mom prolly right.
yeps.
penned.
1/30/2006 07:49:00 PM
almost 19 soon.that makes things worse. the stark reality that i'm (gasp) 19 is seriously hitting home. now, i wake up with the paranoia that i'd have strand of white hair gowing (hehe, prolly like k) and wrinkles. and...or maybe not. Unless im suffering form the "hyper-old-age-syndrome". hhaha -._ but really, 19 is a big number. and it's getting a little frightening.
okay anyways, growing up aint easy afterall. you've got acne problems to deal with, pms (for girls: pre-mentrual syndrome, for guys:perverse macho syndrome)> then for the good-lookers, you've got adoring/stalker fans to hold off. For the not-so-good lookers, youve gotta hanle dumb remarls from bimbos/himbos about the way you looj. which in reality, really isnt that bad unless they all use the hot, hot Fiona Xie as a yardstick.
In school, everything changes. It's your battlefield. your enemy?
And out of growing up, somehow we lose ourselves. We changed. and transform into wild young things(mom always associate WILD with me)Yet, i cant help but wonder :how do we grow up without losing the child in us? when everyone yells at you to "STop being childish, lah!"' our always-first reaction is to act like a 45 year old stuck in a tennager;s body. Interesting response.
Is it possible to carry our Legos and our Barbie dolls and the huge teddy bear which is used to lie beside us in bed over into hoe we live? Carrying some of that onnocence and purity and fun-filled laughter? Somehow, i fing we've forgotten how to laugh. (Jess, the bus-incident doesnt count. I was almost crazy that time!) A real laugh. NOt one that simply goes haha or hoho or hehee but obe that's like:
HAHAHHOHOHAHEHEHEHOHOHOHOHAHAHHOHOHHEHEHEHEHE!
rmb to stop and kiss the rosses. :)
once again, let the photos do the rest...
crowds everywhere. ah peks near tiger booth...obivous u know why...
HUGMOUS crowds ard him. no idea what's he doing. praying?! prolly...
the usuals decors. dearest dad good up his own tho. thumb up for him. my wonderful artistic teacher since young.
the artisit needs moolahs
....
back track to the 1970s perhaps. the so-OK soft-drinks ice cream sticks plus the nice, friendly sellers. bru dearest bought his fav flavour, f&n-grapes. =)
I met God of Fortune!!! like AT THE TIGER BEER BOOTH! wtheck! prolly the dunkards will get lucky for the night huh?
Cheap Cheap!!! grabs.
my absoute enermy! pork. the oil stuffs tt is. sinful.
still counting count to 01:34:45 to lunar new year at pearl center. alrdys ppl are waiting for the marvellous firecrackers & fireworks!!! tts strips of crackers (bottom right)
ugly sight of the kiasu singaporeans. yucks!!! totally a disgrace.
yummlicious german ice-cream. my damn bru wenta buy for me! aint he so sweet?!! 2.50buckeroos for laughters. craps. but still i prefer uncle's dollar cup ice-cream. haha!
finally. my lovely whisper virgin white! whoots. gorgeous.
penned.
1/30/2006 09:38:00 AM
Saturday, January 28, 2006
chinatowned tonight.
wheee! the one and only day im always looking forward for cny.
once for all,
HAPPY Chinese New Year to all!
penned.
1/28/2006 11:28:00 AM
just a few days ago.
i heard a band playing "wake me up when sept ends" when dad drove past National Library. DAMN! it's fantistic! plus the singer is damn HOT! whoots.
i cant belief im missing my jams.
and nw that benny's left for ausiee ...
we r missing of one drummer!
sighs.
jam.jam.jam.
band. band. band.
gigs. gigs. gigs.
penned.
1/28/2006 10:57:00 AM
Helloe! i'm feeling much better today =) all thanks to God.
God's ways are simply amazing and i want to give thanks and praise to Him for putting me back to where i am.
Things seem difficult, things seem out of my control, i cant seem to grasp on to anything but my Heavenly Father. and yeah =) guess i got to thank Him for that. =)
went down to church with j in the morning.
and i spoke to God.
Holy. holy. i felt holy today.
penned.
1/27/2006 10:51:00 PM
Thursday, January 26, 2006
sad thoughts still came by today, but i'm trying to keep them at bay.screw my brain.
more random rantings...and thoughts.
-thought about it more today. hurt worse then before
-i wanted it so badly...was willing to sacrifice so much..and i dont open my mouth. well, that's a few days back. i should just stop harping or it'll bring me down
-another time i wanted it so badly..it turned out to be hell
enough of such rantings..its not halping me clear my mind..neither is it helping me to stop thinking about it.
just wish some sad thought would keep at bay a little more ...not go away, cause that would mean i no longer care. just hang around at a further corner of my mind.
some memories are starting to fade.
im sad.
they were beautiful ones after all
im glad,
they plagued me too much and as they say
there is no use living in the past,
but still, i will never allow myself to forget, it was too perfect.it's amazing how such small thing could cause a 360 degrees change in mood.
oh wellies,
yaking up with basket and bestie was a totally blast!
as always...we are full of craps and jokes esp those lames ones.
and did i mention about with alf n co did a few days ago? man! it was damn hiliarous. it was about prank calls. goodness me, i almost die of laughter. whahah!
btw, my birkens has arrived alrdy! *beams*
oh ya..im gonna be holy tomorrow. (:
penned.
1/26/2006 11:04:00 PM
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
before haircut! dear...my hair looks more like a mop! god gracious me!!! Blame it on the chlorine water that 'bleaches' my hair. or was i born with the natural brown, mom?
penned.
1/24/2006 11:25:00 PM
mum called this the WILD hairstyle! i call this the IN-thing! wahahahhaha!!!
penned.
1/24/2006 11:22:00 PM
after hair cut!
penned.
1/24/2006 11:21:00 PM
im with my lavender braces!
penned.
1/20/2006 02:35:00 AM
smile*
penned.
1/20/2006 02:34:00 AM
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
me: can i take part in the upcoming biathlons?
dad: *look at legs* Im sorry girl, but i cant agree with it. Give ur poor legs time to heal will ya? I'll definately allow you to join all sporting events when it recovers, no worries abt that. Like always, im really supportive of all these sport events.
me: but...but...this comes ONLY once a year, i'll have to wait for another year if i miss it... :(
me: Moreover, it's held in february!
dad: like what the doctor, it'll take a couple of months!!! plus now that ure always so active walking , jogging and swimming here and there i bet it's gonna take more than couple of months.
me: .... (-_-)
me: i cant njoy life when i really get deprived of my runs. It's a feel i cant to find the correct words to use. Like it's NAKED!
dad: i understand...just endure it yea? It will heal...and u can run all you can.
me: sobbs...
f*ck my damn leg.
I WANA RUN!!!!
penned.
1/18/2006 06:22:00 PM
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
high time i do some reflections. 2005...
it's been a (most) memorable year. ups and downs. happy and sad. everything you could ask for, more than i bargained for. i learnt what it was to love and to be truely there for the people who need you. love, in all its greatness is more than just something romantic. it is the unconditional giving and acceptance, whether it is reciprocrated or not, it still gives, still loves.
there is alot that i would like to say and just simply confess to. but i suupose it's too publice here. there's certain weights i'd like to let go off a lil, certain things i'd like to have the courage to talk about. but im not good at confessions. i aplogies. ive deeply hurt people who love me.
though sometimes it seems so long ago i guess i know what has happened has happened. and if i cn turn back time to change things, i would have the right from the start. right from the very very beginning i would have come clean with no hidings. and of course i wish i could tell you all this but sometimes it is hard to find the words. sometimes the closer a person is to you, the harder it is to find the right word to apologise. the truth is it hurts to know that you've hurt someone close to you.
i have found myself to be more complex than before. perhaps it all part of self-discovery journey.perhaps cynicism has begun creeping in a lil. but truthfully speaking, i hvae to admit that some friendships started out just for the company, but after a year or so, it morphed into something i truely care about, and i have found a group of friends im at ease with. though we dont share our sweetest secrets (to a certain extent), i know that we can really talk about anything under the sun.
i already feel lucky to have a few people whom i truely truely cared about. i have ;earnt to love. i have seen how love can throw a person all the way down, yet the same love can lift a person and bring a certain joy. i have seen who will truely be there for me, who i cn depend on. i have laughed and laughed, cried and cried, i have been truely happy from inside, yet and truely shattered inside.
i have found too, sometimes when you lose people who you love the most, you try finding new people to fill up the gaps. but sometimes it ends up bad because you're bringing previous baggages still unsettled with you. and i regret this.
perhaps, i hvae experience both ends of the spectrum this year.
2006, i hope. will be a fulfilling year. a year if honesty, a year if healing, a year of strength and faith. a year of holding on to what i love, who i love. a year of disipline and a year of joy, a year of thankfulness and a year of peace. and definately, i pray for a year of LUCK! ha! (:
hereby,
goodbye 2005, thankyou for giving me such beautiful experience.
penned.
1/04/2006 11:17:00 PM
HAPPY NEW YEAR to all!!!
to kick start 2006,
dad dearest bought himself
an okley shades.
It's unfair when he doesnt allow me to even get one and he gets himself a pair. Tell me how not fair is this? sigh~
and to even more...
jagugar. our fav! i cant wait to be licsence soon. wheeee! *pray* i'll get thru the first attempt!
i'll be the driver soon. (= ha
smiles. =))
life's getting boring without my daily dose. YIKES! and i dont feel right anymore. not till i start to get on my feet and run again. yes. im in such demoralising state! to worsen off, it's not getting better. NOT AT ALL. it still hurt when one walk , even when i sneeze. sobber.
it's the worst christmas n new year i ever spent!
I WANA RUN AGAIN!
sry, but im addicted to you...
penned.
1/02/2006 06:14:00 PM
HAPPY NEW YEAR to all!!!
to kick start 2006,
dad dearest bought himself
an okley shades.
It's unfair when he doesnt allow me to even get one and he gets himself a pair. Tell me how not fair is this? sigh~
and to even more...
jagugar. our fav! i cant wait to be licsence soon. wheeee! *pray* i'll get thru the first attempt!
i'll be the driver soon. (= ha!
smiles. =))
life's getting boring without my daily dose. YIKES! and i dont feel right anymore. not till i start to get on my feet and run again. yes. im in such demoralising state! to worsen off, it's not getting better. NOT AT ALL. it still hurt when one walk , even when i sneeze. sobber.
it's the worst christmas n new year i ever spent!
I WANA RUN AGAIN!
sry, but im addicted to you...
penned.
1/02/2006 06:01:00 PM
