Wednesday, January 04, 2006
high time i do some reflections. 2005...
it's been a (most) memorable year. ups and downs. happy and sad. everything you could ask for, more than i bargained for. i learnt what it was to love and to be truely there for the people who need you. love, in all its greatness is more than just something romantic. it is the unconditional giving and acceptance, whether it is reciprocrated or not, it still gives, still loves.
there is alot that i would like to say and just simply confess to. but i suupose it's too publice here. there's certain weights i'd like to let go off a lil, certain things i'd like to have the courage to talk about. but im not good at confessions. i aplogies. ive deeply hurt people who love me.
though sometimes it seems so long ago i guess i know what has happened has happened. and if i cn turn back time to change things, i would have the right from the start. right from the very very beginning i would have come clean with no hidings. and of course i wish i could tell you all this but sometimes it is hard to find the words. sometimes the closer a person is to you, the harder it is to find the right word to apologise. the truth is it hurts to know that you've hurt someone close to you.
i have found myself to be more complex than before. perhaps it all part of self-discovery journey.perhaps cynicism has begun creeping in a lil. but truthfully speaking, i hvae to admit that some friendships started out just for the company, but after a year or so, it morphed into something i truely care about, and i have found a group of friends im at ease with. though we dont share our sweetest secrets (to a certain extent), i know that we can really talk about anything under the sun.
i already feel lucky to have a few people whom i truely truely cared about. i have ;earnt to love. i have seen how love can throw a person all the way down, yet the same love can lift a person and bring a certain joy. i have seen who will truely be there for me, who i cn depend on. i have laughed and laughed, cried and cried, i have been truely happy from inside, yet and truely shattered inside.
i have found too, sometimes when you lose people who you love the most, you try finding new people to fill up the gaps. but sometimes it ends up bad because you're bringing previous baggages still unsettled with you. and i regret this.
perhaps, i hvae experience both ends of the spectrum this year.
2006, i hope. will be a fulfilling year. a year if honesty, a year if healing, a year of strength and faith. a year of holding on to what i love, who i love. a year of disipline and a year of joy, a year of thankfulness and a year of peace. and definately, i pray for a year of LUCK! ha! (:
hereby,
goodbye 2005, thankyou for giving me such beautiful experience.
penned.
1/04/2006 11:17:00 PM
